A Juicy Night Before Christmas

(You might need to refer to this sniglets posting to fully appreciate this poem)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the building,

Not a report was running, not even one the spreadhead was wielding.

The CEO and his team had all gone home, the operations crew quiet.

Marketing and sales were at their parties, out blowing their diet.

I was finishing some email, almost through the pile,

When I saw one about the year-end report—the taste in my mouth just turned to bile.

Every year it was the same, the million dollar BI system full of chart junk.

When I give it to her, my manager will state with a gulp: “I think we’re sunk".

Then out on the floor there arose such a ruckus,

I sprang from my cube to to see was the fuss was.

Away to the card swipe I flew like a blur,

It was an office creeper, I was quite sure.

The exit sign lights giving the desks an evil glow,

Made me think the end was near, the security number, I did not know.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,

Not an intruder, but my friends from Juice, so dear.

With a my stack of prints in hand, it made me jump back!

Sure enough, I saw it was Chris and Zach.

With them came their team of ‘sperts,

As he called them by name, I knew then I should cancel my alerts.

“Now David, now Cat, now Jon and Jennie."

As I looked, I saw more, I didn’t realize there were that many.

They were here to help, to make things easy,

“Stop killing trees" said Zach, “that’s just too cheezy!"

Chart-based encryption makes your numbers stink,

Your boss won’t like it, she’ll want a drink."

“Crossing The Last Mile is hard, I know" said Chris,

“That’s why we’re here. We’ve got the cure, take a look at this."

What I saw! I couldn’t believe my eyes.

It made me want to shout—to celebrate with cries.

It was so simple and easy to understand.

A more fun solution can’t be found in the land.

No more analycide, flufferpoint, or dancing boloneys.

I could actually understand it. O’ The simplicity, the ease.

What they showed me was honest, true and clear

Had you looked in my eye, you would have seen a tear.

“Our mission here is done", said Zach, “we’ve finished our work."

“If you hurry home now, you won’t look too much like a jerk."

“In the future don’t fret, don’t wait until boloney gives you the sicks,"

“Think of Tufte, of Few, and of Haler; then call Juice Analytics."

They sprang to the Juice Mobile, “turbines to speed, generators to power,"

And away they all flew in the late holiday hour.

But I heard them exclaim, as they ran down the aisle,

“Merry Christmas to all, and finish The Last Mile!"

Juice wishes you and your loved ones a happy and wonderful Holiday Season!

From left to right, Zach, David, Cat, Ken, Chris, and Jon. Not shown, Jennie.